First blog post

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It made me something I never was!! Depressed!

Lagged with the past memories I was living my saddist life ,

clinging to those memories which took the shit out of me when the thought went deeper.I never thought I would be ever able to forget about the hillarious past of mine untill u entered my life.It changed everything.                                                         After you come in my life u altered my life , you craved it in such a may that sadness and depression no more existed and what remained was just bliss all taught me to smile, laugh , and also made me enjoy every bit of life no matter how hard tough times hit your way.                                   you heard to all my sadness all my cries.As time passed great bond had being created between us.I started trusting you . you wanted to know my past, reason why I never trusted and mingled with anyone and was always reserved.  I felt that it was right time to tell you and  started to it.                   

 I  started narrating , gazing at you without a blink. You were eagerly waiting to hear .

I was very young,just 8 years old. It was the time I didn’t know what fakeness is …what the world is ..what people are haunting for..why are they  surviving…I was just enjoying my childhood days with no wander about the people nuisance and free with responsibilities.                                   One day with all this fun I knew , there came a dark night where I was harrassed by a 20 year old guy.He was the guy who used to work at my house,he stayed at my place .            

 he was stunned after what I told , his mouth was opened soo wide with the reaction which I failed to understand. Then what happenned?? He asked.     

I did not know what was happening with me and clueless what was he doing. But I felt it was wrong , but I was not able to raise my voice . I was scared what would all think about me. Bad impression would come out from people towards me and ill be tittled as characterless.All this was continued for whole 3 years..he used to come at night when I would be in deep sleep and would molestate me, have sex with me.I would do nothing but just cry , and it would have no effect on him..harming a child was no where a guilt in him.                               I bared all this without telling anyone about it..I cried ..I howled…I tried killing myself many a times to escape this…but nothing worked ..everything seemed hopless, and slowly it just became a habit for me .Depression and lonliness took over me.This past is the reason to turn me a person which I never was or dreamt would be.Im a character  ruined………….. .     I got welled up and started crying after I complete the violent and deadly past story of mine.

Shhhhhhhhh!!                                                  shut up, stop crying you super-woman. Ur not a character ruined. Ur strong ..very strong ; u bared all this. Just the thing is you were helpless , its not your fault. But you could have told your parents they would have surely helped you out in this case   and would have sent that person behind bars for the sin he committed.

Im glad and lucky you came into my life and shovered whole universe happiness on me. Without you I could have still being stuck there. 

Now ill always be beside , will never leave you alone. And will get you completely out of your past.

thank you love! I love you.

Always for you! I love you too.



    It was all like the normal day, “depressed day”.But there was a lot running through my overthinking brain, something should be done to end up with all the haunting memories and deepley downed and glowing scars.Resting in the dark room of mine as usual no one around to ask me what’s wrong with me and care about me…these was wat I was thinking: 

    You are no more around me ,but your thought still didn’t leave were not the prince charming of mine but the villain who loved and hurted at the same time. 

    You were the reason why I was tittled by all the worst names.I was a bitch, girl who lost her virgin to many , a prostitute and what not.I was not so ,but you made everyone believe that.

    You use to be violent to me, hit me , use all the horrible ways to hurt and would leave me with those bleeding scars to cry for hours and hours till the tears didn’t dry.

    Again you come with your love-sensation and would love_make with my body, kiss me all over,play with me and would do all which gives me not but you all pleasure.And you go after whole satisfaction.
    It says that “Miracles” happen ,there was none in mine.I was born with a black mark and still is to all.
    I was girl child that made my parents unaffected by any of my pain,I was grown unloved.

    I was lost with the lust of love , haunting all around for it, but found it no-where and by none.

    A looser is neither loved nor hated it’s just throw by everyone as a useless sort of thing.i was not a literal looser but a looser in sense of born girl.

    NO HOPES, NO ENCOURAGEMENT,No one beside to claim to me that: I am always there for you at your tough time.I mean nothing to anyone.
    I can no more survive with this haunts, assault and insults.I want to end up…end it forever ….I want to give up with my life .

    No one would care my death too,…smiles will be assembled all around , with a thought that black hole of our life is no more.

    I am leaving this shattered world not because of the cause they would be happy by my death, even I too would be jubilant ,cause I would be placed in “HEAVEN” after death.
    I know I would be rewarded heaven for the assaults I beared and in-turn neither harmed nor took revenge,what was done? Assaults and innocency of a girl was killed from her birth time.

    Now at this where I’m to end up, still scars glows brighter than what people possess “flawless beauty” which is not one of my possession.I was flaw born,flaw grown , and would die flaw too.

    Now I leave a last word to this world…….To all, warm and pleasant good bye and hope there is no other sin born as me.
    “Thoughts to end up now, Action in process”.

    Found a knife and ended..

    Aaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!! Dead.

    It’s all within you, It’s all within us!!

    It’s all within you, it’s all  with in us.This is something we all never figure out. We usually  prefer or depend on someone around us to know what we are meant to do , what are real identity is.yeah!  Doing this is good but not always its should  be from others you plan and make your next move. You might be guided but don’t get exact answers for what are we meant to do, that all lie within us , the power to analyse our interest and build up with our will power and the burning desire within us to achieve something great gives a complete  guidance to accomplish our dreams.

    Our inner Strength is something which can neither match the guidance nor the advice offered by our friends , parents , and so on.They might be well experienced to advice but self- experience is also necessary .we might fall once, twice, thrice …with every step we  fall , we  learn something , we become experienced in that field and after all the hurdle we are gone through , the tough and rough phase -we finally reach our summit our destiny , we are succeded .This experience we have gone through might have  sounded  difficult in starting and thought would have striked us to not step further and assumed it would be hard to step-up but again the inner voice within us encouraged  us emphasised  us to do it and yayyy! Reached. Thid all lie within us confidence, will power , determination towards goals , encouraging ourself to do best with every new mistake we do and analyse  our wrongness- its all only when we are “fearless“, “bold enough to face the creepy world” , and with” never giving-up Attitude”.